I Believe In Friendship

It is the age of friendship. Maybe instead of “are you married,” we ask, “but have you found your people?” Maybe instead of, “is a baby in your future,” we ask, “but does someone help hold your heart when it breaks?

Have you found a bravery that is quiet and loud? An unperformative bonding of the soul? Perhaps friendship is radically misunderstood. It is a revolutionary wonder. It is comfort and panic in equal measure because it opens us to losing our life glue. It is an unafraidness to live wholly without permission. Or maybe it is afraidness, but stepping through. Sometimes it looks like an ending but it never ends.

It is a neural pathway that swims down from the top. It can be an ache kicked into your soul by death. Sometimes it has no place to go. It is grief. Sometimes it is just trying your best. It is vulnerability and making someone’s heart feel seen for the very first time. Sometimes it walks out and finds its way back; it can be a distant memory with an ending that feels unwritten. It is remembering, and finding home in foreign waters. Sometimes it is ourselves. Sometimes we fight so hard against ourselves that it feels untouchable, but it lives in the fight.

Queer friendship is special love. It transcends boundaries and lives squarely in resistance. It is unlimited and outshines everything. Love is friendship and friendship is love with no other motive. It is familiar, like remembering. It is gut laughter. It holds tightly and won’t let go. It is a dismemberment of shame. It puts shame in the closet and says, “there, you see how it feels.” It is not always unconditional, but it wants to be. It is always fighting to be better.

Friendship can be hard but should not draw blood. If blood is drawn, it is surrendering to clot at the source. It is good but not perfect, protective and prepared. It is keeping a locket you know is ugly but your grandma put a photo of your dog in it. It is putting a photo of a dog in a locket for your grandkid. It is saying goodbye in a hazmat suit but still feeling her touch. It is knowing what you deserve, sometimes with reminders, and chasing a better life. It is fierce. A better life is one that is real. There is a love that is real. It is friendship.