Ode to the Ex Who Venmo Requested Me 45 Minutes After We Broke Up

When you left I lost sixteen pounds in seven

days

and I swear fifteen of them were heart

tissue. Then again

all I could stomach for weeks was watermelon

which was a tragedy in and of itself.

Shallots make me think of you

because for reasons I can't explain

we used to hide them around the apartment and

laugh.

The oven still has crumbs from my breakdown

over fish sticks

which remind me that you didn't make fun of

me

when I had a breakdown over fish sticks

and unfortunately

I think that might make you rare.

I laid in bed for three days

pillow glued to my face

because no tissue is big enough

to hold the weight of lesbian grief.

As you were leaving

you thanked me for loving you so well.

When I teach about irony

I make you my first example.

Did you meet someone new at our fountain?

Ask them about their trauma and tattoos?

Tell them all they'd ever need was you?

Do they know you have an Emmy award

for outstanding lead actress in a drama

series and that I played a supporting role?

They called it Codependency.

When you mentioned songs that would suck if

we broke up

you said "but we never will" so fast

I had no time to imagine it.

You thought that if you took a breath

it might give me a chance to leave

but I never was as good a sprinter as you.

I wish I'd had the privilege of knowing

you shattered like I did as you ran away

What a vibrant finale it must've been

to watch me blow up and disappear.

And when you left

I yelled after you in this broken squeal of a

whisper

and I still loved you all twenty-six floors

down.

But just when I think I'm moving on

you add something to our "who gets what'

spreadsheet

and it hits me again that five years

have emulsified into a custody battle

over our love-blender.

So I asked FedEx for their biggest box

but they don't make one that can hold how you

haunt me

how our plants wilted when you went away

the view from our apartment

now my apartment

and all that went static when you did.

I think back to when you said

home is wherever you are

a week before you left

and wonder why you seem entirely not homeless

now.

I put every card you ever wrote me in the

blender

and left it with your new doorman.

He asked if we were friends

and I said no.

When you find what you're looking for

you can hit blend.

And while you're out there searching

I'll be in the home we found together

where the dead plants remind me

that even if you nurture something

it can turn on you overnight.

The home with the Sherwin-Williams paint

drippings

from when we accidentally painted the bathroom

the wrong color.

Sometimes when you screw something up

you can't just paint over it and walk away.

I've never loved you like I do now

you said one week before you said

you didn't love me anymore.

You always called your ex a mistake

and said I was the silver lining.

I guess the silver lining now is that

before it was too late

you realized the same about me.

I hope your next silver lining doesn't snore or

have a Keurig

because I still want you to be okay.

The first thing I did when you left

was clean the bathroom grout.

Thought it might help to erase

the five years of shit you left me

to clean up on my own.

I got it white

but now it just reminds me of how gone you

are.

My dog also left with you.

We never talked about who would take her

or maybe hypothetically we did

but every hypothetical ended in I'd never

leave you.

Her fur is still in the vacuum chamber

the closest thing I have to a goodbye

and I just can't bring myself to throw it

out.

I sometimes wonder who will keep the chairs

but I'm sure you'll tell me on the

spreadsheet.

You always had an inordinate love for

spreadsheets

which probably should've been a red flag.

I see you took the bedding while I was out

I might be better off without it

because if you taught me anything

it's that I'd rather be cold than keep living

under the weight of you.

When you left I lost sixteen pounds in seven

days

became a fraction of who I used to be.

But when I teach about wholeness now I never

mention you.

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Lethal